TGIF features a weekly round-up of our top ten G.L.O.C. approved tweets curated by @karaklenk.

@joyengel [Joy Engel]
No YOU’RE crying over the spelling bee

@NoahGarfinkel [Noah Garfinkel]
The temperature outside is so reasonable, mature even. Not like yesterday’s temperature which was being a fucking child.

@michcoll [Michelle Collins]
I’m so proud of you. I wish I had some candy to give you.” – My Mom trying to lure a soldier into her van at the ATL airport today.

@Racheldoesstuff [Rachel Bloom]
Someday I want to adapt Hemingway’s “A Farewell to Arms” into a themed roller coaster. Pregnant women should DEFINITELY not ride.

@erinjudge [Erin Judge]
If only my husband spoke to me with the same love and patience he reserves for the voice recognition shit on his phone.

@BorowitzReport [Andy Borowitz]
VS Naipaul says no woman writer is his match — forgetting to add key phrase, “asshole-wise.”

@MrEmilyHeller [Emily Heller]
Hey, Facebook friend I don’t know! I’m not gonna ruin your birthday by trying to make you remember who I am. Good present, right?

@BoobsRadley [Julieanne Smolinski]
I think it would be funny if the *last* rule of Fight Club was, “Most importantly: have fun!”

@conanobrienswyf [Meg Abbitch]
A female landscaper that’s not a lesbian? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT CUTENESS!

@theotherhillary [Hillary Buckholtz]
Of all the things to deploy from the future, why Dippin’ Dots?