Ask any woman for her top three mate-traits and “funny” will probably pop up like a delicate lady boner. A dude who can make us laugh is a keeper, but a hot dude who makes us laugh? Well that’s frosting upon frosting laced with frosting-flavored vodka with fries for dipping: creamy, dreamy goodness. In carrying on the time honored tradition of expecting nothing less than balls-out (wink) sex appeal from our comics, we’ve asked comedians Gaby Dunn and Sharon Spell to help us compile a list of the top ten titillating men of the comedy scene.
Come, let’s take a stroll down Smoldering Lane together shall we?
10. Chris D’elia
If for nothing else, ladies and gays should try watching the much-discussed and contested Whitney on NBC for one Mr. Chris D’elia, who plays Whitney’s boyfriend Alex. D’elia spends most of his screen time making adorable faces, pouting and raising his eyebrows behind his head of long, lustrous, your-high-school-boyfriend-in-the-90s hair. He’s hot like a hot guy, and also cute like a puppy who may have just peed on your rug, with a sort of “Did I do that?” mash up of mischievous and innocent that’s always, always irresistible. [Gaby Dunn]
9. Neal Brennan
You are already probably familiar with Neal Brennan‘s body…of work, but may not recognize his face. He made a name for himself behind the scenes as the co-creator and co-writer for Chappelle’s Show, but he also has a commanding stage presence. If, as he observes in part of his act, you only get better looking by doing good deeds, this man must be a saint! [Sharon Spell]
8. Nick Thune
Nick Thune may not be overtly athletic, but he’s running a marathon through my heart. With his guitar and metrosexual-meets-modern-Joy-of-Sex-guy good looks, I find myself hanging on his every word. He’s been on Letterman and made several cameo appearances in big motion pictures. I’d love for him to make a cameo appearance my my personal production of Knocked Up. Nick: send me your resume and headshot! [Spell]
7. Rob Riggle
Who doesn’t love a built Marine? If Rob Riggle wasn’t a comedian he’d be right at home telling recruits to drop and give him 20. (I’d give him more than that. Heyoooo.) That’s because this chiseled, muscled gent used to be an Army man — and not just in the Buster Bluth sense. His square jaw gives him the look of a 1960s newsman (perhaps why he made so much sense onThe Daily Show), and he’s also just straight up handsome like a cartoon character. A real life Johnny Bravo. [Dunn]
6. Colin Jost
As the most dashing thing to come out of Staten Island since the ferry, Colin Jost has written for SNL since he was 22-years-old. With his preppy-kid good looks, he’s kind of guy you can take home to meet the parents then fall into the utility closet and spend 7 minutes in heaven. In 2009 he was selected as a “New Face” at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival, which sounds like a phony, made-up award that they created just for him, to be able to touch him. He may have broken his hand once playing a video game, but he’s breaking hearts at every turn. [Spell]
5. Donald Glover
Donald Glover is so hip he’s like a funny and talented version of every dude in Williamsburg who thinks he can make music. Only Glover actually can. Though he raps a lot about his many hook ups, he spends much of his stand up lamenting being a black nerd. The two balance each other out into a unique charm that’s all Glover’s. Plus, have you seen the way this man dresses? He can work a hoodie as well, or better than, he rocks an expensive suit. Talented, indeed. [Dunn]
4. Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik is just straight up handsome. There’s no joke here. If you saw him on the street, you’d turn your head. Does it help that he’s a joke writing machine? Of course. He crushes those Comedy Central Roasts and his Twitter is amazing. Does his dark, relentless stage presence and sense of humor push him into Patrick Bateman territory? Maybe. Is that kind of hot in a terrible way? Definitely. [Dunn]
3. Wyatt Cenac
Talk about a brain crush. Wyatt Cenac is cute as heck, but his dry wit on The Daily Show makes him even hotter. He’s whip smart, crushing the unsuspecting marks in his TDS pieces with unrelenting logic and knowledge. Who doesn’t like a smart dude? Idiots, that’s who. [Spell]
2. John Mulaney
Baby-faced John Mulaney is like one of the boyfriends from that girly childhood game Dream Phone. Or at least, he makes me want to talk about him like one — What a cute smile! What Jimmy Neutron hair! What a 1940s radio announcer voice! Sooo dreamy! Mulaney’s undeniably handsome and looks about as threatening as a Pekinese in a sweater. (I imagine most of the women lusting after him are on the young-ish side.) His comedy is as fresh-faced and adorably hilarious as he is and though he jokes he should have been born gay because he comes off slightly effeminate, he’s still traditionally tall, dark and handsome. John Mulaney, do you want to hold hands sometime? [Dunn]
1. Rob Delaney
Rob Delaney is that rare, special mix of filthy and sweet that really takes a master to perfect. He’s sexual without being creepy and sexy while still being unmistakably a MAN. (All caps. Burps, farts, jizz and all.) He’s a great example of what I like to call “handsome-face/crazy-brain,” meaning his chiseled good looks make him seem like a Boston broseph but his warped sense of humor and friendly smile bring him back down to Earth (or where ever people who think like Delaney come from). You like ‘em twisted, tall, hairy and beefy? Maybe in a tight Speedo with a great butt? Climb this man like a sexy, sexy tree. [Dunn]
What do you think? Did they nail it? Let us know in the comments!
Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City. She is an editor at Thought Catalog and a columnist for the New York Times Magazine. Her writing has appeared in The Boston Globe, The Huffington Post, Jezebel, GOOD Magazine, Salon and ROOKIE. Her web project, 100interviews.com, was named the Best Blog on Tumblr by the Village Voice in 2010. Tweet her @gabydunn. If you are Jesse Eisenberg, feel free to call.
Ever since Sharon Spell was a little girl growing up in Hattiesburg, MS, it was her dream to one day move to New York City and host a big variety show in the East Village. It’s happening now as a monthly show called The Big Shrink at UCBeast, and you can come see it! Her portrait-based artwork as appeared in group and solo shows, plus she collaborated with friends from The Onion on a cartoon that ran in Paper Mag. More at SharonSpell.Tumblr.com or @sharonspell